“Gayne, I hope we can talk romance while you’re here. You know…feelings. A sense of closeness. Candles n’ all that.”
What the…
I stared with uncomfortable suspicion at the huge six-foot-two, rock solid South African across the table from me. What was Hannes talking about? I didn’t have long to ponder before Melcom joined in on my Twilight Zone moment.
“Also, spa treatments. Massages. Facials. Ya’ know stuff couples can do together.”
“What kind of couples?” I nervously asked.
“Like married couples. Husband and wife type stuff,” Hannes laughed. “Or boyfriend / girlfriend. I don’t care if they’re married. Just that they have a good time.”
This was an odd intro to my attempt at a Spiral Horn Slam to say the least. Thankfully Limcroma Safaris owner and operator Hannes Els registered my utter confusion and explained that he and Marketing Director Melcom Van Staden simply wanted my editorial help to write up info on some couple based hunt packages they would be offering in the future.
“We’re trying to get more couples to visit us,” Hannes continued. “We’re calling in the ‘Romance of Safari’ package.”
“But that’s not what I’m on now?” I asked.
What? No…You’re not getting romantic with me!” Hannes exclaimed. “Melcom maybe.”
Fortunately, Melcom wasn’t romantically inclined toward me either. And with the idea of romance (bromance?) between us out in the open and squashed we made plans for me to take the spiral horns of South Africa: eland, nyala, bushbuck, and kudu.
...
Kudu
Kudu are a dime a dozen in South Africa but finding a good one takes skill, determination, and luck. Hannes possesses all of these in spades and better yet he knew of an area that regularly produced lekker or awesome bulls. With that knowledge he, Melcom, and I made our way from the lodge into the surrounding brush country of the Limpopo Region in search of what we all hoped would be my first spiral horn. We spent that first morning in a made-on-the-spot blind of camel, acacia, and other thorned debris. There we sat watching the intermittent showings of wildebeest, kudu cows and their young and a host of colorful birds that utilized the scrub country before us for protection. I was watching a lilac-breasted roller when Melcom whispered in my direction, “What is it called when they put hot stones down a lady’s back? It’s some kind of spa treatment.”
“I don’t know,” I replied in hushed tones. “Torture maybe? Let’s talk about that later. Not while I’m jammed up against you in a blind.”
The morning came and went without us seeing any bulls of substance. After a quick lunch of cold cuts we drove the concession looking for bulls or the tracks thereof but saw nothing that sparked Hannes’ interest. I saw several I thought were nice but then I’m not the kudu study that Hannes is. Despite this lack of a showing the three of us returned to the same area the next day. We hunted all day but it wasn’t until dark that we came across a lekker bull. Hannes got me to within eighty yards of the spiraled monster and after some serious wait time for him to present a shot I dropped the Grey Ghost just as the last semblance of light egressed the horizon. He...
was a tremendous old bull measuring slightly over 57 inches in length and was a superb start to my slam attempt.
Bushbuck Don’t Charge
Day three found Hannes, Melcom, me, and newly acquired tracker Steven searching the thick reed islands that skirted the Limpopo River for bushbuck. This border river between Botswana and South Africa is little more than a stagnant pool of chocolate colored water, no more than 20 yards wide in the summer. I was watching a trio of crocodiles cruise the murk when Steven barked in Afrikaans that he saw a nice bushbuck enter a deep stand of reeds. Hannes told Steven to swing far and wide around the reeds and to come through them from the other side. Hopefully this would drive the bushbuck from the thick and towards us. It didn’t. Instead it sent forward several bush pigs that were quite angry at being disturbed. The largest of the sounder came within five feet of Hannes and me and only Hannes waving his shooting sticks and my girlish shriek turned the beast from us.
“That’s the biggest bush pig I’ve ever seen!” Hannes excitedly exclaimed. “He’d have sliced the intestines straight outta’ your gut had he hit you.”
The idea of talking romance with Hannes and Melcom suddenly sounded appealing if not a hell of a lot safer than hunting bushbuck.
Nyala Is Eland in Afrikaans
Despite not being charged by bush pigs himself Steven opted out of accompanying Hannes, Melcom and me for day four of my hunt. I’m not sure of the true reason for this but Hannes joked that Steven said my high-pitched shriek the day prior had hurt his ears.
Hannes, Melcom, and I hunted the concession for nyala all day to no avail. It wasn’t until late in the afternoon that we saw a nyala and as Hannes put it he was a very good one at that. Hannes led Melcom and me through a combination duck walking, crawling, moseying, sliding and butt-scooting to within shooting distance of the antelope. I was holding tight, ready to shoot when Hannes told me not to. “There’s an eland coming through the scrub...
behind the nyala,” Hannes explained from behind binoculars. “Hang on.”
The Brahma bull size antelope exited the thick just prior to last shooting light. Hannes waited until then to make the call, “That’s a far better eland than nyala. Take the eland! Take the eland!”
I did and my second spiral horn dropped like the proverbial ton of bricks. Alright, half ton of bricks as a later weighing revealed that this largest member of the antelope family weighed close to 1,000 pounds.
Nyala
Day five was full of Cape buffalo, ostrich, wildebeest, impala, warthog and a rhino. I saw more game that day than perhaps had seen in the four days previous. This combined with clear skies and warm temperatures made it a great day to be in the field. Shortly before noon Hannes cut the tracks of a nyala and successfully led Melcom and me to him within less than an hour. Getting a shot at him took perhaps another hour as nyala are extremely wary and all but nocturnal and this one seemed to enjoy simply standing behind some of the thickest brush I’d ever seen. In the end I made a quick off hand shot when the old male finally crossed between two scrub forests. He was a brute of an antelope with a gorgeous longhaired hide of both spots and stripes and horns measuring just over 28 inches in length.
“He’s a beaut!” Melcom congratulated. “Seeing him makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. Romantic even. Should we talk about it?”
No!
Bushbuck
Hannes got a call from a local farmer shortly after we loaded my nyala in the truck. The farmer explained that he’d seen several bush bucks in his fields at night and suggested we give them a go. Hannes agreed and he,...
Melcom and I did just that the following night. Hunting with a spot light at night is legal in South Africa and about as fun as hunting gets. Unlike predator hunters who utilize a red filter, Hannes used a regular beam which meant anything he shined his light on wouldn’t stay put long as sudden, visible light scares just about everything. Such was the case with the three bushbuck we saw that evening. I barely had time to register the third animal before Hannes said “shoot!” I did and fortunately my snap shot was good. My final member of the spiral horn slam was a true trophy and a great reminder of a time well spent.
Not that talking romance with Hannes and Melcom for the next two and a half days wasn’t a great time. Those days were just…well…different.